Saturday, May 8, 2010
I thought I had friends for life.."
"Money gone fuck friends
I need a homie that know me
when all these muthafuckin' cops be on me
I got problems ain't nobody calling back
now what the fuck is happenin' with my ballin' cats
Remember me I'm ya homie that was down to brawl
Sippin' Hennessy hanging with the clowns and
all we used to do is drink brew, screw and common knew
we had bitches by the dozens oh we fuckin' cousins
You can throw ya middle finger if ya feel me loc
a nigga just got paid and we still was broke
It took time but finally the cash was mine
all the rewards of a hustler stuck in the grind
Look around and all I see is snakes and faces
like scavengers waitin' to take a hustler's pape's
and when you stuck where the fuck is all ya friends
They straight busted and can't be trusted fuck y'all"
The bolded is pretty much how i am feeling at the moment. Something has been bugging me for the past few hours and I don't know how to shake it down my back. I CANNOT describe how it feels to have a friendship end over some little bullshit. I dont understand how I at one time me and this person shared a very close friendship. How at one time I told this person things I don't usually tell ANYBODY. I can't understand how this person shared almost ALL of their secrets with me, and at one time I was this person's only and CLOSEST friend. Then over just the littlest of things, this person can just pretend that i DO not exist, like i am just a stranger and a figment of their imagination, like u just throw it ALL away like gum.
I feel like an idiot, sharing my most deepest thoughts with ANYBODY. I usually do NOT do that shit. Because if I let u pick my brain, then u mean something MORE to me then ANYBODY, real talk. I usually don't do that because I know how people are and one day they can just use it as their secret weapon against you. I keep a tight circle and to have u in it should be a honor in my book. Cuz honestly i do not understand how this can hurt me so deeply.
Today a person, that I thought at one point was a REAL CLOSE friend, walked past me like I was stranger today. Like literally no eye contact or nothing, like I was nothing more then a lost memory holding them back. Like I was Patrick Swayze and she was Demi Moore, walking through me like I was some type of spirit. And for some reason that hurt, because I did SO much for this person.
I helped this person get through a tough time in their life, and I was that supporting shoulder and their back bone to get through any type of problem in their life. I thought that is what it takes to be a GOOD FRIEND. I guess not, I guess I am not suppose to get something like that back at me. I guess that if I was down I shouldnt expect a call from this person, or a shoulder to cry on, because FML right?
I guess thats what i get for opening up to people and trusting them with my feelings. Because in the end they will throw that shit RIGHT BACK at u a smear it right on your face. Thats the reason why i never really had a lot of friends because a lot of people in this world are snakes. I try to surround myself with people that can help me and insprie me, but i always end up surrounding myself with bull shit, just my fucking luck.
So I am just gonna throw up the middle finger and let it linger from now one..
"fuck all y'all...I don't need nobody..."